


how to get your two stubborn-ass idiots of best friends to see that they're in love with each other when neither will admit it: a six step guide by do kyungsoo (feat. park chanyeol)

by mochiiks



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Chinguline (EXO), Friends to Lovers, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-11 07:23:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11709618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mochiiks/pseuds/mochiiks
Summary: Here’s the thing:Byun Baekhyun and Kim Jongdae are in love. Head over heels, stars in their eyes, makes you wanna stab your eyeballs out with a toothpick and feed them to your doglove.





	how to get your two stubborn-ass idiots of best friends to see that they're in love with each other when neither will admit it: a six step guide by do kyungsoo (feat. park chanyeol)

**Author's Note:**

> just something dumb i wrote in one sitting

**_Step One: Make Four Things Very, Very Clear_ **

Here’s the thing:

Byun Baekhyun and Kim Jongdae are in love. Head over heels, stars in their eyes, makes you wanna stab your eyeballs out with a toothpick and feed them to your dog _love_. Somehow, in those tiny, 174 cm bodies of theirs, they’ve managed to encapsulate enough romantic cliches to write twenty Nicholas Sparks novels and their corresponding movie adaptations. They’re always finishing each other’s sentences, they spend more time holding hands than not, and they probably share a toothbrush (Kyungsoo is 85% sure). They are soulmates from a past life, two halves of one heart, the sole reason for each other’s existence.

But, here’s the other thing:

Byun Baekhyun and Kim Jongdae are absolute fucking idiots. They wouldn’t recognize head over heels, stars in their eyes love if it stabbed their eyeballs out with a toothpick and fed them to their dog. Somehow, in those tiny, 174 cm bodies of theirs, they’ve made enough room next to the disgusting romantic cliches for an unhealthy dose of pure, concentrated _denial_. They credit the fact that they can finish each other’s sentences to the hidden telepathic powers they’ve gained from years of playing League of Legends, they say that they hold hands to keep warm in the winter and wipe sweat off their palms in the summer, and they claim that sharing a toothbrush saves money (again, Kyungsoo is only 85% sure they’ve actually ever said this). They are soulmates from a past life, two halves of one heart, the sole reason for each other’s existence—and they’re too stubborn to grow a pair and admit it.

And, here’s another thing:

Do Kyungsoo is not a romantic person. He’s a realist, someone who believes that the world is what you see and nothing more. He believes in science and facts and unnecessarily elaborate step-by-step guides, because these are the things he _knows_. He does not, however, know anything about true love or soulmates or sharing toothbrushes. So, the last thing he should be worrying about is the painfully obvious but somehow non-existent romantic relationship between one Byun Baekhyun and one Kim Jongdae.

Finally, here’s the last thing:

Do Kyungsoo is not a romantic person. He’s a realist, someone who believes that the world is what you see and nothing more. He believes in science and facts—and, surprise surprise, every single fact and scientific corroboration points to Byun Baekhyun and Kim Jongdae being in head over heels, stars in their eyes love. So, no, he does not know anything about true love or soulmates, but even the most socially inept and physically sheltered Bubble Boy on Earth would notice the painfully obvious but somehow non-existent romantic relationship between one Byun Baekhyun and one Kim Jongdae.

Hopefully, those four things are very, very clear.

 

**_Step Two: Observe, and Finish a Project for Your Screenwriting Class_ **

**INT. HOUSE PARTY. NIGHT**

Jongdae and Baekhyun sit on a couch together. Actually, Jongdae’s sitting on the couch. Baekhyun has decided to sit on Jongdae’s lap, despite the fact that the only other person on the couch is Chanyeol, who’s asleep on the other end anyways. Somehow, they’re holding both drinks and each other’s hands. Kyungsoo doesn’t question it.

 

**BAEKHYUN**

(slurring his words)

Dude, who does homework at a party? That is _so_ —

 

**JONGDAE**

(also slurring his words)

_—lame._

 

**BAEKHYUN**

Yeah. Totally. L-A-E-M.

 

Kyungsoo squints up from his laptop, ducking just in time as a party-goer sloshes an unidentifiable alcoholic liquid over his hunched figure.

 

**KYUNGSOO**

The two of you do know that there’s more space on that couch, right? Like, you don’t have to sit on each other’s laps.

 

Baekhyun glances over at the wide expanse of unoccupied couch space, right up to where Chanyeol lies snoring and drooling over the armrest on the opposite side, and makes a face.

 

**BAEKHYUN**

Nah, I don’t feel like moving.

(leaning against Jongdae’s body)

Besides, Jongdae’s so comfy. Like a body pillow. Or a burrito.

 

**JONGDAE**

(groaning)

Fuck, now I want a burrito.

 

**BAEKHYUN**

Damn, me too. Like, a chicken burrito. With white rice and sour cream and black beans—

 

**BAEKHYUN & JONGDAE, IN UNISON**

—and extra cheese, but no guac, because I’m not paying $1.80 extra for gross vegetable paste.

 

They sigh at the same time, and Kyungsoo starts typing away furiously on his laptop.

 

**KYUNGSOO**

(whispering to himself, his words drowned out by the clacking of his keyboard)  
What the fuck? What the fuck? What the—

 

**BAEKHYUN**

(slouching even closer to Jongdae’s body)

What homework are you doing anyways? Is it for a class I’m in? If yes, thank you in advance for doing my homework too.

 

**KYUNGSOO**

It’s for my screenwriting class.

 

**BAEKHYUN**

Ooh, _screenwriting_ , fancy man with his fancy words.

 

**KYUNGSOO**

Screenwriting is literally a three-syllable word. Your _name_ is three syllables long.

 

**JONGDAE**

Are you writing a screenplay right now? Is it about me? Are you making a movie about me? Who’re you going to get to play me? Get someone good-looking, okay? But not so much so that people are disappointed when they look me up on Facebook after they watch the movie.

 

**BAEKHYUN**

People would still be disappointed if a deformed carrot played you.

 

**JONGDAE**

(gasping and placing a hand over his heart)

Sir, it would behoove you to retract that statement.

 

**KYUNGSOO**

(ignoring the very obvious flirting taking place in front of him and trying not to poke his eyeballs out with a toothpick so he can feed them to a nearby dog)

Actually, both of you are in the movie.

 

**BAEKHYUN**

Oh, shit, really? Can I play a space cowboy? Or a space detective?

 

**KYUNGSOO**

What?

 

**BAEKHYUN**

I’ll take anything with space in the title, actually. I’ll even take space prostitute.

 

**JONGDAE**

Ooh, if Baekhyun gets to be a space prostitute, can I be his space pimp?

 

**KYUNGSOO**

What—guys. No one’s playing anyone else. You’re both yourselves.

 

**BAEKHYUN**

Oh, thank God. I kinda didn’t want Jongdae to be my space pimp.

 

**JONGDAE**

(mildly offended)

Excuse me? I would be a _fantastic_ space pimp.

 

**BAEKHYUN**

Yeah, for sure, and I’m not doubting your space pimping skills at all. It’s just...don’t space pimps usually sleep with their space prostitutes? I don’t think I could have sex with you, even for Kyungsoo’s movie.

 

**JONGDAE**

Hm. Yeah, fair enough.

 

Baekhyun is still sitting on Jongdae’s lap. Jongdae’s got one hand wrapped around Baekhyun’s waist and the other resting way too far up his thigh. Baekhyun’s got one hand on Jongdae’s chest and the other curled around his neck. Kyungsoo coughs obviously.

 

**JONGDAE**

Fuck, Kyungsoo, cover that shit up. If I get sick, I can’t play a space pimp in your movie.

 

**KYUNGSOO**

(stammering)

There’s no fucking space pimps, or space prostitutes! And there’s no movie!

 

**BAEKHYUN**

Well, not with that attitude, there isn’t.

 

**KYUNGSOO**

(incoherent sputtering noises)

 

**JONGDAE**

(tilting his head up to Baekhyun and ignoring Kyungsoo)

This party kinda sucks. Can we go get a burrito?

 

**BAEKHYUN**

I thought you’d never ask.

 

Baekhyun and Jongdae get off the couch and head towards the door. Kyungsoo  follows behind hurriedly, but only because Baekhyun is his ride. Five minutes later, Chanyeol wakes up.

 

**CHANYEOL**

(groggily)

Wait...where am I? Kyungsoo? Jongdae? Baekhyun?

 

Unfortunately, Baekhyun is also Chanyeol’s ride.

 

**_Step Three: Share Your Observations with a Mutual Friend (Preferably One That Is Not Loud, Overbearing and Oblivious)_ **

If Kyungsoo had the choice, he would not be talking to Chanyeol right now. I mean, you read the title of this step—anyone who knows Chanyeol also knows that he possesses all three of those qualities in _spades_. But, here Kyungsoo is anyways, sitting in the battered warzone of manga volumes and empty instant ramen containers that Chanyeol passes off as a living room as he attempts to explain his observations to a talking, walking string bean.

“Let me get this straight,” Chanyeol says slowly, kicking aside a pile of ramen seasoning packs with his foot so he can sit cross-legged on the floor, “you aren’t here to apologize for leaving me behind at the party?”

Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow. “It’s not my fault you’re a sleepy drunk.”

Chanyeol blinks. “I had to drink half a gallon of expired milk for Sehun to give me a ride home,” he half-whispers, “he made me eat a cigarette.”

“Anyways,” Kyungsoo says loudly, ignoring Chanyeol’s traumatized expression, “what did you think of my observations?”

Chanyeol snaps out of his daze, and frowns. “I think you’re going to fail your screenwriting class.”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. “I meant the parts about Baekhyun and Jongdae.”

“What about them?”

Kyungsoo gives Chanyeol a look of disbelief. “You’re kidding me, right? I can’t be the only person who sees how disgustingly in love they are with each other.”

“In—what?” Chanyeol lets out an obnoxious Chanyeol laugh. God, even his _laughs_ were loud, overbearing, and oblivious. “Dude, Baekhyun and Jongdae aren’t in _love_.”

“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo deadpans, “they finish each other’s sentences.”

“Yeah, but so do…”

Chanyeol stares at Kyungsoo with an expectant expression. Kyungsoo stares back. “I’m not finishing that sentence for you.”

He pouts. “You’re no fun,” Chanyeol mumbles, “anyways, that doesn’t mean they’re in love. They’re just really, really good friends.”

“Really? Just good friends?” Kyungsoo hitches an eyebrow. “About 90% of their interactions are borderline homoerotic.”

“They’re comfortable with their sexualities,” Chanyeol drawls, “ain’t nothing wrong with that.”

“They sleep in the same bed.”

“Ikea beds are a bitch to assemble.”

“Baekhyun once said he would suck Jongdae’s dick for fifty bucks.”

“Actually, it was fifteen bucks,” Chanyeol corrects, “and only after they went out for a movie and dinner at a nice Italian rest—oh my God, they’re in love.” Chanyeol’s eyes are wide as he fans himself with a nearby issue of One Piece. “Holy shit,” he mutters to himself, “they’re so in love.”

Kyungsoo crosses his arms across his chest. “Yes, Captain fucking Obvious,” he says impatiently, “that’s what I’ve been telling you.”

Chanyeol furrows his brow. “Okay, so they’re in love,” he admits, “that’s cool and everything, but I don’t think this concerns us at all.”

“Of course it does,” Kyungsoo scoffs, “the two idiots are too stubborn to even realize that they’re in love with each other. If we don’t push them together, they’ll stay in this weird, platonic, homoerotic limbo their entire lives.”

“Wait, _we_?” Chanyeol blurts out, “ _We_ are not getting involved in this mess. The only thing _we_ are doing is letting them figure this love shit out themselves.”

“But they’ll never fucking figure it out! Come _on_ , Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo pleads, “we’re their best friends. If we don’t do this for them, no one else will.”

Chanyeol frowns. “No. No way. Nothing good can come out of interfering.” He leans forward and gives Kyungsoo a hard stare. “Promise me you won’t meddle with their relationship.”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. “Alright, geez, I promise.”

 

**_Step Four: Meddle with Their Relationship_**

“Goddamnit, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes widen innocently. “What?”

Chanyeol stares down at the drink Kyungsoo is pouring for Baekhyun. “Vodka? Really? You _know_ Baekhyun can’t drink vodka.”

“Actually, he can drink vodka,” Kyungsoo corrects, sloshing more of the clear liquid into the cup, “he just _shouldn’t_ drink vodka.”

Chanyeol narrows his eyes. “What is this?” he asks suspiciously, “Are you scheming something right now?”

“I am scheming _nothing_ ,” Kyungsoo insists, “this is a scheme-free area.”

“Then, why are you giving Baekhyun vodka? He gets all loose and touchy when he drinks vodka, and the only reason why you would ever want him to act that way is—” Chanyeol gasps dramatically, his hand on his heart. “This is about the Baekhyun and Jongdae thing, isn’t it?”

Kyungsoo sniffs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You said you wouldn’t meddle,” Chanyeol hisses, “this looks a lot like meddling.”

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” Kyungsoo says loudly, walking away, “You’re going to have to speak louder, I can’t hear you over the music.”

“Don’t walk away from me, young man, you can hear me perfectly fine!” Chanyeol shouts, pointing a vindictive finger at Kyungsoo’s back, “If you give Baekhyun that drink, I’m throwing away my friendship bracelet!”

Kyungsoo smiles sweetly as he hands Baekhyun a red Solo cup.

 

-

 

“Are you sure that wasn’t vodka?” Baekhyun asks Kyungsoo in a mumbled slur. He’s slumped against Jongdae’s side—as per usual—but he’s also started carding his fingers through Jongdae’s hair and nuzzling his nose against the crook of his neck.

“Of course not,” Jongdae answers instead, “Soo knows how you get when you drink vodka. I mean, he wouldn’t do that to you, especially not on _purpose_ —”

“Let’s play a game!” Kyungsoo blurts out, standing up from his seat abruptly, “Truth or dare!”

All the partygoers around him cheer drunkenly. Baekhyun lets out a whoop before wedging himself deeper into Jongdae’s side. Chanyeol gives Kyungsoo a disappointed look, which he promptly ignores.

 

-

 

“Baekhyun—truth or dare?"

“Dare, bitch,” Baekhyun slurs, still leaning against Jongdae.

Kyungsoo smiles. Oh, this was just working out _way_ too well. “I dare you to kiss Jongdae.”

Everyone in the circle lets out a collective _ooooooh_. Baekhyun grins. “I think that’s the tamest dare you’ve ever given me,” he says with a snort. He easily tilts his head up and presses a quick kiss onto Jongdae’s cheek. “So much easier than when you made me eat an entire jar of mayonnaise.”

Kyungsoo shakes his head. “That’s barely a kiss,” he scoffs, “it should at least be on the lips.”

Jongdae’s cheeks are flushed, and Kyungsoo can’t tell if it’s from alcohol or embarrassment. He laughs nervously. “Yeah, uh, can we not? Do that?” he asks in a lilting voice.

“Come on, it’s just a kiss!” someone from the circle shouts. Others start cheering in agreement, and while this definitely isn’t enough to push Baekhyun into giving in during normal circumstances, this is Baekhyun on _vodka_. Not much time passes before Baekhyun is leaning forward and tilting Jongdae’s chin down for a kiss. The circle starts whooping and whistling—until Jongdae pulls away abruptly.

“I’m—I’m sorry, I can’t,” he stammers, standing up and walking away from the circle. Everyone stares at Jongdae for a while, before someone suggests a dare and starts the game up again. Baekhyun is sort of looking at the empty spot where Jongdae had been sitting, as if he’s not entirely sure what just happened. Kyungsoo, for the first time that night, feels guilty.

 

-

 

Despite the fact that it’s late January and there’s still snow on the ground, Jongdae is sitting on the curb in skinny jeans and a Moschino t-shirt. He is going to freeze to death if he doesn’t put on a jacket or come back inside, and Kyungsoo tells him so.

“F-Fuck off,” Jongdae says, his teeth chattering as he rubs his arms feverishly, “I don’t know what you’re trying to accomplish, Soo, but you need to stop.”

Kyungsoo sits on the curb, too, but leaves a sizable space between Jongdae and himself. “I thought you two needed my help,” he mumbles.

Jongdae furrows his brow. “What?”

“You and Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo says, a little louder this time, “I thought you two needed my help with, like, figuring out that you were in love with each other and stuff.”

Jongdae lets out a loud laugh. “What? We’re not in love with each other.”

Kyungsoo turns to him, and blinks. “Are you sure?” he asks slowly.

“I think I’d understand my own feelings better than you,” Jongdae answers, sounding overwhelmingly amused with Kyungsoo’s confusion—which is, well, slightly better than him sounding mad at Kyungsoo.

“But—But all the homoeroticism,” Kyungsoo says blankly, “and the hand-holding, and the toothbrush sharing, and—”

“What, _gross_ , we don’t share a toothbrush,” Jongdae interjects hurriedly, laughing nervously. He clears his throat. “You do know that you can like someone and not be in love with them, right?”

“Actually, I know very little about romantic relationships in the first place,” Kyungsoo admits in a mumble, “which...probably should’ve been indicative of how this whole thing would turn out.”

Jongdae laughs again, a heavy, bitter laugh. “Yeah. Probably.”

 

**_Step Five: Annihilate Your Pride with a Metaphorical Assault Rifle, and Apologize for Step Four_ **

**_To: Baekhyun_ **

I’m really sorry, Baekhyun.

 

**_From: Baekhyun_ **

...

 

**_To: Baekhyun_ **

I know I fucked things up.

 

**_From: Baekhyun_ **

……

u kno, we were fine w/ just being friends for now

we didnt need ur help

 

**_To: Baekhyun_ **

I know. I was being stupid.

 

**_From: Baekhyun_ **

heck yea u were

 

**_To: Baekhyun_ **

Can I make it up to you somehow?

 

**_From: Baekhyun_ **

buy me a burrito

 

**_To: Baekhyun_ **

Is that it?

 

**_From: Baekhyun_ **

wht did u want me to say

build me a rustic log cabin in the woods??? assassinate the president????? suck my dick????????

 

**_To: Baekhyun_ **

Are those three things arranged in order from what you want most to least or least to most or…?

 

**_From: Baekhyun_ **

just bring me my burrito babe

 

-

 

**_To: Jongdae_ **

I’m really sorry, Jongdae.

I know I fucked things up.

Dae?

Please text me back, I don’t want you to be mad at me.

 

**_From: Jongdae_ **

lol chill i was taking a shower

 

**_To: Jongdae_ **

So you’re not mad at me anymore?

 

**_From: Jongdae_ **

oh no i’m still mad as hell

what the fuck were you thinking

you don’t see me messing around with your love life, what makes you think it would be okay to fuck around with mine

 

**_To: Jongdae_ **

…I’ll buy you a burrito?

  
**_From: Jongdae_ **

fuck off, soo

…

what kind of burrito

 

-

 

**_To: Chanyeol_ **

I’m sorry, Chanyeol.

 

**_From: Chanyeol_ **

I fucking told you this would happen

but noOOooOoOOoOo, no one ever listens to Chanyeol

you rlly fucked up, you know?

 

**_To: Chanyeol_ **

Yeah, I know.

 

**_From: Chanyeol_ **

what are you gonna do to fix this one?

 

**_To: Chanyeol_ **

...What I probably should’ve done in the first place.

 

**_From: Chanyeol_ **

leave them alone?

 

**_To: Chanyeol_ **

Bingo.

 

**_Step Six: Let Things Run Their Course_ **

Do Kyungsoo is not a romantic person. He does not know much about love, but he does know that it’s different for everyone. Some people like boys, some people like girls, and some people don’t really care what’s in between your legs. Some people fall in love within the first second, and some people need a little longer. Some people want that extra nudge of encouragement from their friends, and some people just want to be left the fuck alone.

Maybe Baekhyun and Jongdae aren’t completely in love for now, and maybe they won’t be for a while—and that’s okay. Sometimes, you just need to let things run their course.

 

-

 

A week after they graduate, Kyungsoo asks Baekhyun to help him move into his new apartment. That day, Baekhyun tells Kyungsoo that he’s in love with Jongdae.

“At least, I think I am,” Baekhyun says almost miserably, lugging a big cardboard box down the hallway, “I mean, he just makes me really happy, and I feel safe with him, and I can’t stop smiling when I’m with him, and I just,” he pauses to let out a frustrated groan, “I’m in love with him, aren’t I?”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes as he waits for Baekhyun to catch up with him. “Yeah, no shit. Hurry up, I only have the moving truck rented for the next hour.”

 

-

 

Kyungsoo is there for their first date. He helps Jongdae choose out a nice blazer, helps him brush his hair back in that style he knows makes Baekhyun drool. Baekhyun texts him excited updates throughout the night, most of the messages going along the lines of “omg his hair!!!!!!” and “do u think he’ll let me smash”—Kyungsoo only replies to about half of them.

Kyungsoo is there for their first big fight. He lets Baekhyun stay over at his place when he shows up at his doorstep with red, puffy eyes, then forces him to call Jongdae and talk about it the next morning. The moment the call connects, they’re both blurting out hasty _I’m sorry'_ s and _I miss you'_ s. Baekhyun never asks to stay at Kyungsoo’s again.

Kyungsoo is there when Baekhyun decides to propose. He even helps him pick out a ring—a simple gold band with a small heart engraved on the inside, their initials intertwined within. He’s also there when Baekhyun actually works up the nerve to propose two months later, in the middle of the restaurant where they had their first date. He watches from the side with Chanyeol, both of them cackling uncontrollably when Baekhyun accidentally drops the ring in his nervousness.

Kyungsoo is there for their wedding. As best man (“Co-best man, actually,” Chanyeol corrects him), he talks Jongdae out of his cold feet. The ceremony is beautiful, even if Chanyeol has to deliver Kyungsoo’s best man speech for him because he can’t stop crying.

Kyungsoo is there when they decide to have a child. He helps them interview surrogate mothers and narrow down names—they quickly settle on a nice woman named Taeyeon, but they can’t agree on a name. He’s there when they meet their daughter for the first time, both of them crying their eyes out as Taeyeon hands Jongdae the baby. The nurse asks them for the little girl’s name, and the only thing Baekhyun can say through tears and snot is that it really doesn’t matter.

Kyungsoo is there for Byulri’s first day of school. Baekhyun and Jongdae, as usual, can’t stop crying. After taking enough pictures to fill five different photo albums, they finally let Byulri enter the classroom.

“I can’t believe she’s already going to school,” Baekhyun says through sniffles, “it feels like just yesterday we were playing League of Legends in your mom's basement.”

Jongdae is staring at Baekhyun with that disgustingly domestic gaze, looking like he's in head over heels, stars in his eyes, makes you wanna stab your eyeballs out with a toothpick and feed them to your dog love. “Yeah, it's crazy how things like this turn out, isn't it?” he asks, “I mean, five years ago, I never would’ve guessed that I’d be standing here right now.”

Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow, but smiles despite himself. “Yeah,” he says, “never would’ve guessed.”

**Author's Note:**

> \- my [twitter](https://twitter.com/mochiiks) | my [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/mochiiks)


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